Who Are You Becoming?
“Tell me about yourself.”
It sounds like a simple question, but for many clients it can be surprisingly difficult to answer. People often describe themselves using facts: their job, age, family, where they live, things they like, or things they have been through. But identity goes deeper than a collection of facts.
How clients see themselves can influence the choices they make, the goals they pursue, and what they believe is possible for their future.
This can become especially important when working toward positive change.
More Than Who They Used to Be
Clients can sometimes become stuck in older versions of themselves.
I’ve always been this way.
I’m someone who has struggled with substance use.
I’m someone who has made a lot of mistakes.
I’m just an anxious person.
Sometimes these ideas have been reinforced by family, friends, systems, or years of difficult experiences. A person's history is certainly part of their story, but it does not have to become a permanent description of who they are.
This creates an opportunity to expand the familiar question “Who am I?” by adding another:
“Who am I becoming?”
That shift can create room for growth.
A client may be becoming more dependable, more patient, or more willing to ask for help. They may be working toward becoming a better parent or partner, someone who handles stress differently, someone making changes in their substance use, or simply someone beginning to see more possibilities for themselves.
The worksheet Who Am I and Who Do I Want to Become? explores both sides of this process. It asks clients to consider what they have already survived, accomplished, changed, and left behind, while also exploring what they still want to overcome, develop, and accomplish.
Identity Is Built Through Action
An important part of identity work is helping clients recognize that they do not have to completely transform their lives before they can begin seeing themselves differently.
Identity can gradually be strengthened through action.
Someone can become more responsible by practicing responsibility. Someone can strengthen honesty by making honest choices. Someone can begin seeing themselves as capable of coping by successfully using coping skills when things get difficult.
Individual choices may seem small, but over time they can build habits, confidence, and momentum. The worksheet reinforces this incremental approach by encouraging clients to focus on actions today that move them closer to the person they want to become.
For clinicians, this can open up a useful shift in the conversation. Rather than focusing exclusively on “Who is this person now?”, we can also help clients explore:
“Who are you becoming, and what are you doing today to help build that person?”
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