Validation: The Value of Understanding

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”

 – Anonymous

Validation is the act of recognizing and acknowledging someone’s feelings, thoughts, or behaviors as understandable, and meaningful. It does not need to involve always agreeing with a person’s perspective but rather, validation is focused on showing empathy, compassion, and understanding toward another’s emotional or cognitive experience.

By validating someone, we communicate that their feelings are normal and that their responses make sense in the context of their experiences. Validation helps reduce emotional distress by allowing individuals to feel heard and accepted, which can build trust, strengthen relationships, and foster a safe environment for open communication. When coping with substance use and mental health issues, validation can be inspirational.

Why We All Want and Need Validation: Validation helps us feel cared for, valued, and respected. It can foster deeper connections and improve emotional well-being. Without validation, people often feel dismissed, misunderstood, or isolated.

Group Discussion Questions:

• Think about a time when you felt invalidated. How did that make you feel? How did it impact your behavior or the relationship?

• Now, consider a time when you felt validated. What made the difference, and how did that experience impact your emotional state or actions?

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), validation is an essential skill, especially for individuals facing emotional dysregulation (which let’s face it, is just about everyone). It creates a foundation of trust and shows respect for someone’s internal world, allowing for more effective problem-solving and coping strategies.

The value of validation. Validation…

• Enhances emotional connection: Validation strengthens interpersonal relationships by making both us and others feel understood and accepted.

• Reduces conflict: When people feel heard, they are less likely to become defensive, helping to de-escalate tense situations.

• Promotes emotional regulation: Validation helps everyone recognize and accept their emotions, leading to better control and healthier decision-making.

• Builds self-esteem: Feeling validated reinforces a person’s sense of self-worth and boosts confidence in handling emotions and challenges.

• Encourages change: By acknowledging our current emotional state without judgment, validation opens the door to new perspectives and approaches.

Discuss:

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• How do you think validation can help you cope with stress, anxiety, or other emotions?

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